What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
