dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
