May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize