thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
