The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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