Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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