I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
