my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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