It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
