Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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