i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
