in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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