Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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