Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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