You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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