I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
soo... how was my night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
