And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
