Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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