So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
