His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
