btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
