its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
