i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
