As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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