Too much gin, very little bucket
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
