I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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