i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
