we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
