we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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