Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
