I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
