Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
