someone threw a dead crab at me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
