hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
