You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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