She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
