I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
