goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
