Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Help. Why am I so naked?
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