I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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