Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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