ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
