I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
