I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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