hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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