On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
