someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
