Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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