I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
