Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
