i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
