First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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