Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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