Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize