how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
