I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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