I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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