i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
