Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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