Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
