K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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