if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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