I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
