I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
