she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
