In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
