benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
