the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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