I should be sponsored by Trojan
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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