i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
