Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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