i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
